Matters of Heart
by WhiteWolfLegend
Summary: silence leads to pain but denial leads to so much worse. When you see the one you love dying inside right before your eyes, what will you do? Continue to keep your secrets or let them know they are not alone? Drabble R:M SLASH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is for the drabble wars, a series of drabbles for moments about Watson/Holmes. It will flicker over the blackwood case and then the moments in between that and the beginning of GoS**

**Disclaimer: I do not own.**

**3****rd**** POV**

Sherlock was confused, very much confused and worried. He wished Watson wasn't helping with the case, he knew that in due time the good doctor would be hurt but he couldn't - he couldn't describe the feeling of letting him out of his site.

How his heart sped up and clenched at the same time, the longing feeling and the panic. What if he got hurt away from him and he couldn't do a thing?

Pacing his room, his eyes scanned the various objects that he couldn't remember when he ever acquired.

_"Her name is Mary… Holmes, I am leaving soon… I want you to meet her… YOU ARE MEETING HER Holmes!"_

The voice of Watson echoed in his mind of all bits and pieces from separate conversations, his pitch different in each one.

Shaking his head he clenched his eyes shut as the familiar tell-tale high began to strike his system. He needed sleep; he needed time to think without everything racing. But most of all he needed Watson and he couldn't understand the reason as to why.

* * *

**Other Writers this month!**

krazi4TwiSaga

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Fandom: Twilight

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Summary: Sequel to "Half on a Baby" - Follow best friends Edward and Bella as they plan a wedding and welcome their first child into the world. Life's full of all kinds of hiccups and bumps in the road, will they survive them all? Let's follow Edward as he goes from being a resident to a first year fellow, and Bella as she tackles stay-home motherhood, and her first shot at writing her own novel.

FFn name and Profile:ADADancer u/2207394/ADADancer

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FFn name and Profile:Loopylou992 ~loopylou992

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Banner: albums/cc416/loopylou992/Heavy2_

FFn name and Profile: whitewolflegend u/2115465/

Facebook name: Ellie Wolf

Story Title: Matters of Heart

Rated: M

Fandom and Pairing: Sherlock Holmes (movie) Holmes/Watson

Summary: silence leads to pain but denial leads to so much worse. When you see the one you love dying inside right before your eyes, what will you do? Continue to keep your secrets or let them know they are not alone?

Banner: WIP

FFn name and Profile: Lolo84 u/3122214/

Facebook name: Lolo Eighty-Four

Story Title: Social Studies

Rated: M

Fandom and Pairing: Twilight-Edward/Bella

Summary: It was a silly Social experiment for her Psych class . . . Bella never thought it would amount to more. "Hey—what numbers did you get assigned?" She looked down at her paper. "Umm . . . 5 and 9." Leaning over, her and her best friend examined what that meant. "Oh, well sit down with a total stranger and ask someone for a hug. That shouldn't be too bad right?" Romance/Humor **(working summary)**

Banner:


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The familiar clip of shoes on the stairs caused Holmes to jerk awake, his eyes trained on the door waiting for the _nanny. _

She hesitated at the door before hesitantly opening the door. Mrs Hudson was beside herself with worry; Sherlock Holmes hadn't been out of the room since there was a slight break in the case. Well that was a lie, she became concerned since John had announced he was getting engaged and to be leaving 211b Baker Street.

"Nanny! You dare trespass into my room, bringing me poison again are we?" Holmes hisses as he crawls silently in the dark.

Mrs Hudson sighed before placing the china on the desk, her eye twitching as she resisted the urge to tidy up the mess. But as Sherlock has told her many of times, everything is in the right order.

"You need to get out of this room Mister Holmes." She scolds him over her shoulder as she walks out the door.

"In time, nanny, in time." He muttered before slamming the door behind her. In time was soon, he needed to solve the case… without Watson.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

That night Holmes found himself sitting at the Royal, early than expected as usual. He hated the fine dining and being surrounded by people, he only did this for… for Watson, to please him.

But he wasn't waiting on just Watson tonight, no; he was waiting for the good doctor and his _wife to be_. Oh how those words left a sour taste on his tongue, he still couldn't describe the feeling that it comes at the thought of her.

"Holmes!" John calls loudly; he could see the detectives face was contorted in pain; his eyes flickering with thought behind his eyelids.

Snapping his eyes open he looked up to see Watson dressed fashionably in his army suit with the governess by his side.

"Early once again, Holmes," Watson hums his brows raised in worry and slight annoyance. He was worried for his friend because he knew just how much sitting alone in a crowd could send him mad and he was agitated because he couldn't speak more to Mary about what might happen.

"Fashionably as always," Sherlock chuckled as he stood, holding the chair out for the governess to sit; as much as it pained him to do so, his eyes never leaving Watson.

"It is finally nice to meet you Mister Holmes; my John has told me much about you." The governess spoke, her voice a little high and squeaky causing Holmes to wince at it and at the fact she said _my _john.

_Oh, this night is going to be disastrous... _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next day John found himself standing on the steps of 211b Baker Street, he wanted to make sure Holmes was okay after the dinner disaster the other night. Though he did warn him not to deduct his Mary's life and he did that, even though she insisted.

"I don't know what to do John; he has been up in his room since you last left." Mrs Hudson states worriedly, wringing her hands together.

John couldn't help but laugh off her worry as he ascended the stairs, "It will be okay Mrs Hudson, he probably has left and you didn't notice."

Mrs Hudson sighs before turning to go back towards the kitchen; she didn't know what was going to happen. Sherlock Holmes was one not to be silent; silence meant something was wrong, terribly wrong.

Sighing, Watson lifted his cane and taps the door. "Holmes, are you there?"

"Holmes?" Watson frowns as he opens the door slowly, the room was askew, more so than normal. But he was right, there was no sign of him anywhere; he must have snuck out.

Rolling his eyes and smiling he turns to leave; only stopping when he sees the paper flung everywhere in Sherlock's room. With another frown he moves quickly, his eyes scanning the papers frantically. Words were written half-hazardly and images scribbled with them.

Now this worried him, Sherlock was most anal about his written work everything was in order and neatly done. Never mind the fact it was usually placed in a mess, but it was put that way for a reason. His messes were organised, this, this was not.

Glancing at his pocket watch his eyes trailed to the object at his feet causing him to curse slightly, the words coming of his tongue almost awkwardly. Holmes had gone off on a case, the case, by himself… without his revolver.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Watson found himself not long after finding Holmes revolver on a boat towards nine elms shovelling coal. Anger bubbling as the soot began to stain his white shirt and waistcoat while Holmes and the oddly looking old captain laughed loudly drunk.

"I thought we were trying to be discreet?" Watson huffs as he tried to struggle to get some form of clean air into his lungs and stretch his sore arms.

"You would not last… one day in the navy." The old captain slurred angrily before turning away and stumbling to the back of the boat.

Watson sighs and closes his eyes before looking at the drunken detective. "Holmes? Are you sure there is no other alternative means of water transportation than that…"

Sherlock looks at the good doctor with a lazy grin before looking at the captain. "I can guarantee no one knows London's waterways better… He's practically a fish himself."

Watson looked at the captain who was once again gulping down the wine or whisky that was in the flask. "He sure does drink like one."

"Oh you found a sense of humour doctor!" The Captain hiccups before laughing, "if only it's just sense. I better take over, it gets a bit tricky here." He hiccups again before stumbling towards the wheel.

Watson closed his eyes and took a calming breath before putting his jacket back on. It took them a few more minutes to get to the slaughterhouse and then get inside disguised as workers.

"Look familiar?" Watson asks as his eyes land on the large laboratory behind the glass windows.

Holmes chuckles as he looks over his shoulder at Watson, "Yep, all its missing is the ginger midget."

Instantly Holmes took in the details in the room, the spills, dust, notes and the drops on the floor. "They cleared something from here not mere minutes ago." He utters to Watson as he walks out the room, eyes looking at the ground.

"Like what?" Watson asks as he looks around, a feeling of dread filling the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong; he knew that, he could feel that and if he could… Holmes definitely knew something was wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

Holmes looked at the good doctor with worry as he walked off into another room, guilt eating at him. He knew the good doctor was going to get hurt, he always got hurt when they went to places like this and half the time it was his fault. Always dragging Watson into bad situations.

That's where they found themselves too. Blackwood's words echoing in his mind as he stared at the hanging pigs carcases ready to be cut and shipped off. But his eyes were trained beyond that as the flames lit the room.

Irene Adler, the bane of Sherlock's existent was cuffed to a hoot ready to be burned.

_"She followed you here Holmes… you led your lamb to slaughter." _Blackwood laughs from the darkness.

Watson quickly grabbed a blanket and chucked it to the detective as he watched _the woman _struggle and panic as she pulled at the handcuffs. "This game is designed to hurt."

Sherlock watched and listened to the clinking chains as they moved and the timing of the fire bursts before rushing forward and wrapping both him and Irene in the blanket. Her perfume clouding his senses as he held onto her, protecting her from the fire; for some reason it sickened him… it wasn't the right sent, it wasn't the right body he wanted to be pressed against.

Watson quickly turned the valve off and rushed to Irene, quickly lifting her onto his shoulders.

Holmes looked around before quickly rushing toward Watson holding up Irene, his face contorted as he shifted his weight to his good leg. He shot the good doctor an apologetic look before hoisting himself up using the good leg, causing Watson to scream in pain quickly.

Both of them, even though in danger couldn't help but be very attentive that they were pressed together. Holmes's legs wrapped around Watson's torso tightly and his chest and stomach pressed against his face.

Though that didn't last for long as Sherlock jumped down quickly and began to find a way to stop the now activated bandsaw. It took less than a minute for them to free Irene, Holmes saving her as she fell towards the bandsaw; her chest heaving with fear.

Irene instantly wrapped her arms around Holmes and placed a peck on his cheek as she whispered her thanks.

"I'm going after blackwood." Watson mutters as he watched the interaction between the two; his chest clenching with hurt and jealousy. Feelings he shouldn't have, well, feelings he shouldn't have for Holmes; a man. But he didn't care, he couldn't hold back the feelings he felt towards his detective; yes his detective… _his. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Holmes watched Watson quickly dash away, hurt shining in his eyes. His chest was tight as he watched the scene, his arms awkwardly around Irene's waist.

"We should… help the doctor." Holmes awkwardly got out, trying not to breathe in the scent of her perfume. Roses and Tulips was not what he wanted to smell, her body wasn't the one he wanted to hold flush against his.

"Yes, lets." Irene mumbles out, sensing Holmes awkward stiff posture. It was something she was used to, him being weary around her but this felt different. Her eyes trailing over his face before locking into Holmes's eyes; it took everything in her to hold back the gasp.

"Hurry we must hurry!" Holmes ushered as he took off in the way Watson left.

Irene knew there was no chance of ever having Holmes again, or convincing him to leave with her when it was all over and done with. No, he was in love with the doctor; even if he didn't see that.

Watson ran quickly, his eyes landing on blackwood before continuing, only stopping when the familiar sound echoed the slight silence did he stop. His eyes flashing towards the barrels with horror as he took in the grenade bomb before turning sharply his eyes landing on Holmes.

Fear gripped him as he threw his hand out in warning, "HOLMES!"

He remembered seeing the panic on Holmes's face as he began to run towards him, then nothing but pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"HOLMES!"

The fear and horror on Watson's face as he cried out his name was forever burned into his mind. Along with the overwhelming sensation of grief and panic as he watched his doctor be flung by the sheer force of the blast; his body being engulfed by flames and debris.

"JOHN!" the name spilled from Holmes's lips as a cry, his feet clumsily rushing towards the doctor, only to stop as another blast tore apart the building.

Closing his eyes he dropped and grabbed what he could to shield his body the best he could from the fire, turning and running to save Irene; away from Watson.

He wanted to cry, to scream at Blackwood, at himself for the possible death of Watson.

_No, he is alive! _His mind screamed at him.

The world was muted by a loud ringing in his ears as a blast flung him and Irene into a wall.

Even when Clarky lifted him up off the ground he couldn't hear what was being said. Only muffled words as he got his bearings back, but even then he wasn't listening, his body shocked and trying to automatically run for Watson.

"Sir, lord coward has issued a warrant for your arrest… You need to leave." Clarky's voice came back loud and clear causing Sherlock to cringe at the unexpected clarity.

"I need… Watson…" Holmes gasped as he struggled to escape Clarky to find him, only to stop when he felt being shoved back into the wall.

"He's alive, you need to go… GO!" Clarky ordered as he shoved Holmes to run, watching as he ran.

Holmes stumbled away and into the dark, a sob catching in his chest as the scene played over and over again. He needed to think, he needed to find Watson… how could he do this? It was his fault Watson was hurt once more, that he almost died.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

Watson woke up groaning, his shoulder burning as he felt someone delicately pull out whatever it was in his shoulder.

"Holmes…" He sighs as he took in the familiar scent of tobacco and gunpowder.

"Shh, you are hurt John." Holmes whispers as he pulled out another large splinter wincing as he did so. Watson was very lucky he wasn't severely burnt or worse… dead.

Watson couldn't help but smile; his heart soaring and stomach fluttering at the sound of his name being whispered tenderly from his detective's lips.

"I'm glad you are okay…" he breathes as the pain began to take over once more, the room spinning.

Holmes sensing the discomfort of his friend gingerly picked up the syringe of morphine he requested from the nurse and expertly administered enough to ease the pain.

"I'm sorry for getting you hurt again, old boy." Holmes whispers as he plucks the last wood splinter out.

Humming slightly, Watson grins; the morphine beginning to make him groggy. "It was worth it…" He mumbles. "I would have died if I lost you… I care… for… you"

The words stun Holmes, his hands stilling instantly. Did he hear correctly? No, it couldn't be possible that the doctor felt the same way he did, but what did he feel?

Sherlock slumped slightly, his brows furrowing as he thought about it. It was the first time in a long time he truly felt lost.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Once again Holmes found himself above the boxing ring in the room he normally rents on his nights when he fights or his need for solitude. Right now, as he softly plucked the strings of his violin he couldn't help but think everything over. His eyes were unseeing as he stared a head, the scribbles of his slightly fractured mind behind him.

Voices and images flashing across his mind, a first it was clear and then they began to jumble together till it felt like he was surrounded by people.

_"Three more will die… Lord Coward issued for your arrest…. I… I care for you … I've never been in over my head… Solve this… Accept that this was beyond your control… HOLMES!_

His body jerked and the violin fell to the floor as the voice of Watson screaming his name in panic roared above the other voices silencing them.

Leaning forwards and rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, Holmes couldn't help but wonder how this happened, how didn't he see it happen. HE got Watson hurt, Watson was laying in the hospital with a wound across his shoulder blade and up his neck… One that will forever remind Holmes that he messed up, that he made a mistake and once again it was John who suffered the consequences of it.

_I care for you… I care for you…. _

Those four words echoed in his head like a buzzing bee in a glass. Every interaction, every look, touch and emotion that Watson had done flashed through his mind like a bullet from a gun. All the hurt and jealousy that was shone when Irene was mentioned… Could Watson care for someone like…?

Shaking his head of the thought, no, Holmes couldn't think of such things. Watson had Mary now, no matter how much he wishes it weren't so. He had hoped one day when he had enough evidence and courage to convey his feelings to the good doctor that they could be… but it was too late for that now.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Through the rest of the case both of them have been distracted, neither spoke another word that was shared in the hospital room or mentioned it ever happened.

Watson knew though that he had – in a morphine and pain state – admitted his feelings towards Holmes. Something he had never dared to utter and found somewhat of a distraction in another's arms. A woman's arms that had made Watson feel somewhat normal but never complete, not like Holmes made him feel when he had embraced him.

Grasping his neck and shoulder gently Watson couldn't help but wince, it still hurt and he constantly felt the stinging burn of the blast that caused it.

"Does it still hurt?" Holmes asks blankly as he watched Watson move his arm jerkily. He still felt grief and guilt each time he saw the sliver of skin that was marred and stitched on his neck, each wince the good doctor made as he did movements like this.

Watson turns and smiles at the detective, "No, just stiff" he lied.

Holmes knew that the good doctor lied, normally he would point out the fact but today Watson looked tired and the guilt that flared in Holmes demanded him not to. The feelings, ones that Sherlock was unaccustomed too can no longer be pushed back into the very depths of his mind; he knew now that he truly cared for Watson.

But now was too late because Watson had Mary and Holmes couldn't take away that happiness from the good doctor, not even to have his own. Sherlock knew he was a selfish man, but to deny Watson a safe and happy life with a woman he so cared deeply for was too selfish; even for Holmes.

"Let's get you packed then. Shall we?" he gestured to the books before them, a sad look upon his face.

John stared at Holmes as the detective began to pack away his things, he knew Holmes was upset; but he knew that as soon as he told him he found… Mary.

"Come now Watson, this won't be packed by itself… Mary will be here tomorrow to collect your things…" Holmes tried to keep his voice neutral but it cracked several times, giving away his grief.

Shaking his head slightly Watson nodded and began to help back, his chest tightening with each book that was packed away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Mrs Hudson rushed quickly to Watson's new home, her chest heaving with panic as she quickened her pace. The note clutched in her hand tightly as her eyes scanned the streets wildly, Holmes was in trouble. Not from someone, no, he was in trouble from himself.

Ever since the good doctor left, Holmes had become reclusive. That was normal for him, but when the plucking of his violin stopped she had become worried. One day she opened the door to find Holmes sitting in the chair, his eyes trained on the spot where John used to sit; his eyes glossed over from the opium.

"Mrs Hudson, what is wrong? What's happened?" The worried voice of John Watson called from the opened door, the light spewing out into the street and illuminating her.

"Oh doctor, something has happened to Holmes…." She finished off in a cry, handing the note over to John.

Worried, John grabbed the note from her hands and opened it. His heart clenched as he took in the ramblings of Holmes. His handwriting frantic unlike his usual scratch, his minds fractured in reality and drug induced. Quickly, John spun around and grabbed his medical bag, yelling his departure to Mary.

"Let us hurry." He urged before taking off into the cold night towards Baker Street.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Watson didn't stop as he threw the front door open and took to the stairs two at a time as fast as his leg would allow him before throwing the bedroom door open. His heart dropped as he took in the mess around him or the lack thereof. The room was clean, neat and tidy and in the middle laid Holmes, his face contorted in pain as he shivered.

"Holmes!" Watson cried, his feet moving till he was crouched next to the detective; his hands and eyes moving quickly and expertly to see if there were any other signs of damage.

Holmes looked up bleary eyed and smiled lazily at Watson, his mind foggy from the drugs still in his system. "John, you're here... no you are my imagination formed of want." he whispered in a laugh.

"Yes old boy, what have you done to yourself?" Watson replies as he hoisted Sherlock to his feet with a grunt and led him to the bed.

"I made them go away…" Holmes laughed as he fell back onto the bed, pulling Watson on top of him.

Watson didn't move as he collapsed on top of Holmes, afraid what would happen if he were to do so… but the reality of it was; he didn't want to move from this position. "Made who go away?" Watson asked carefully, curiously.

"The emotions I was feeling, I made them leave. I couldn't tell the real Watson I cared for him deeply; I just couldn't do that to him and risk our friendship you see." Holmes laughed once more and Watson gasped in surprise.

He had remembered in his morphine haze that he admitted he cared about Holmes to him, not realizing the words he spoke till they were said. Now every action he had done and paired it with Holmes's he realised that he had hurt the man under him. The beautiful crazy man who had cared about him too and gave up his own happiness for him to have a life with Mary, it made sense now and the guilt clutched at his heart.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Watson leant on his left elbow while bringing his hand up to stroke the scruff on Holmes face, causing the detective to hum and lean into the gesture.

"If only this was real, if only I could tell you that I care deeply for you even though it is frowned upon…" Holmes sighs off as he closed his eyes, his arms wrapping around Watson's frame.

"I am here Sherlock; I am here with you in your arms." Watson whispers softly causing the man beneath to open his eyes quickly, his mouth parting with a surprised gasp as he took a breath in.; smelling the familiar crisp smell of Watson.

"Watson? John, you truly are here but what about Mary?" Holmes stuttered out confused, his words bombarding back to him as he realised he confessed his feelings to the good doctor. What had he done?

Quickly Holmes began to try and move Watson, try to get up from the bed and his old friend off of him. But Watson pinned him down, his hands clamping Sherlock's arms above his head effectively and leant down inches away from Holmes's face.

"Is what you said true? Do you care for me Holmes or is it another trick to get me to stay?" Watson demanded, needing to know the answer; needing to know what to do for his next move.

Holmes froze, his eyes locked on the dark blue ones above him. The words for the first time getting stuck in his throat; opening and closing his mouth a few times in the process.

"HOLMES! I need to know!" Watson growled out through clenched teeth while jerking back from Holmes and off the bed, his back turned to the good detective.

Maybe it was a lie and it was another ruse for Sherlock to keep him from leaving, or to get him to come back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

Holmes watched as Watson began to think that maybe it was another ruse, a lie, after all it wasn't new for Sherlock to spout them to get his way. But this time there was no ruse no lie, it was all true.

"It's true… Watson… John, I care deeply for you; it seems I always have I just never saw it." Holmes whispered as he got up and hazily stood behind Watson, his hands turning him so they were face to face again. "I love you Watson, I truly do and it killed me that I had hurt you; that I cared deeply for you when you had Mary."

Watson looked into Holmes eyes, catching the glint of sincerity burning in the brown orbs. For the first time in a long time Watson could see Sherlock, his vulnerability; his fear and his love. Smiling, he leant closer and placed a passionate kiss upon his lips, pushing back until the fell back onto the bed.

Holmes's hands quickly made their way tugging at the vest and shirt of Watson as the kiss became more passionate and want. Pulling back, Watson smiled as he quickly made work of his buttons and removed his shirt; smirking as he watched Holmes's eyes darken with lust and moaning as he felt the rough hands of the detective feeling their way up his chest.

Looking down at Sherlock he knew that everything was about to change, their lives were about to change together. They will be inseparable now; all he had to do was leave Mary.

"I love you too Holmes, I always have." Watson breathed with a smile, yes, things were changing.

For the better, but why couldn't he shake the feeling of dread that was soon to come.

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**End :)**


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